Why did you change?

By saying that I am not saying that I didn't change nor changes are not allowed.
The more I listened to you, the more excuses I think you are giving me.

At the bottom of my heart, I trust that I am already willing to let things be cos' I know what took place now was not much to your control.
I am already willing to bear the pain that how things are gonna be different now cos' I know even if I selfishly hook on to it, you cant and now it seems like you wont do anything about it.

I was hoping so much that I would choke myself to death on the streets, that you would at least make the effort to call me.

I was hoping so much that each time I logged on to the Internet, I would see at least an email from you like it always do in the past whenever things went wrong...Wait...it was me who always do that first,wasnt it?
And you said that how this is a good way to communicate whenever we cant talk etc and of cos' you never start using it on your initiative...liar!

You told me that you cant even put yourself to say sorry cos' it won't help things.
You bloody liar!
May I quote you better that you NEVER intend to say sorry in the first place,knowing how things are gonna be so difficult for me to take it!

I bring you back to the first few smses you sent when this just happened.
You wrapped so many dignified 'reasons' in my name when this happened!
Better finances, a fitter and more confident boyfriend for me, a boyfriend that I can be proud of, work even harder to care for me and so on.
Did you even rememeber that you DID wanna apologise for it if you had intend to?

Instead of now telling me all the things that couldnt salvage the situation but at least hold my tears, you ask me what do I want you to do?

Jason...how many times must you break my heart like this?

I ask you now...what do you want me to do?

I know what to do to make you better.
But what can you do to make me feel better?
It's not the matter of making up for etc. It's the matter that you always make me feel that I have no chance of winning anything when you have something caught inbetween me and ...be it your trainings/matches/games/families.
And you tell me that you are in dire like me, you are nothing without me? I can't be nothing without you like you were already something before I came by.

Like if I really ask you,like some of the nights before, can you don't go training or be in a club so that we can have more time together?

"you must think...without soccer, I wont have money for dates, won't be fit, etc"

Silly...Of cos' I understand cos it came before me. I am not asking you to give it up altogether but now it truely stands between us,I would like to ask, "Would you give up soccer for me?"

You know how I love you, so I won't ask you to give up something you already love for me.

I figure that I must have more things in life that I could do then.

It's not my decision.
It is how you do it.

You say I only hear what I want to

And you say I talk so all the time-so

And I thought what I felt was
simple

And I thought that I don't
belong

And now that I am
leaving

Now I know that I did something wrong cause I missed
you

Yeah, I missed
you

And you say I only hear what I want
to

I don't listen
hard

I don't pay attention to the distance that you're running or
to Anyone,
anywhere

I don't understand if you really
care

I'm only hearing negative, no no no -
bad

So I turned the radio on I turned the radio
up

And this woman was singing my
song

The lover's in love and the other's run
away

The lover is crying cause the other won't
stay

And some of us hover when we weep for the other
who was
dying

Since the day they were born
well

Well this is not
that

I think that I'm throwing but I'm
thrown

And I thought I'd live forever but now I'm not so
sure

You try to tell me that I'm clever but that won't take me
anyhow

Or anywhere with you

And you said that I was
naive

And I thought that I was
strong

I thought "hey I can leave, I can
leave"

But now I know that I was wrong cause I missed
you

Yeah I missed
you

You said "you caught me cause you want me

And one day I'll let you
go"

You try to give away a keeper or keep me cause you're
know

you're just too scared to
lose

And you say, "stay"

You say I only hear what I want to.

-Lisa Loeb